Marriage is hard work and it will show you a reflection of
who you truly are. Your spouse lives with you daily and they share a very intimate
space with you that no one else does. They will see the good, bad and ugly. There
will be times where they will point out your shortcomings. You will either
embrace the honest feedback or you will fight back (I fight back most of the
time). When you embrace the honest feedback you can learn some things about
yourself. It is a hard pill to swallow to hear negative things about yourself but
God has shown me some things about me through my marriage. When I fight to
defend myself in my marriage, it is pride and pride does not foster an environment
where the Lord can dwell. Pride got Satan kicked out of heaven. : /
Marriages are to reflect the image of God and YOU must
commit to that purpose (Genesis 1:26-27). When either spouse starts to focus on
the shortcomings of their spouse, it causes division. That division and
disunity is a reflection of Satan, not the Lord.
God started speaking to me about my marriage because I asked
him to. I already knew that I would not like what he had to say but because I truly
want change in me, I listened hard.
God said: How are you honoring me in your marriage, Monique?
Is it always about you? Are you unhappy because you are not happy with who I
made you to be? Who are you becoming in this marriage?
After God asked me these questions it was like the Holy Spirit started downloading instances where I would fight to defend myself in my marriage. God showed me I have had the spirit of pride in me and I have not been truly reflecting his image in my marriage.
My husband is not my God. I cannot put so much expectation
on him to make me happy. I could be unhappy for a number of reasons. I am to
partner with the Holy Spirit to change my emotions, attitude and perspective
about my marriage. The Lord is the only one that can help change me. I must
confess my sin and surrender my ways of thinking. My perspective is my own. Once
I take my eyes off the Lord and put them on myself, it is not good for my relationship
with the Lord nor my marriage.
Friends, I dislike constructive criticism from anyone,
especially my husband because I can’t stand to hear what I am doing wrong (pride). My
husband challenges me. He calls me out and will point out my weaknesses and I
cannot stand it. I now know I have to be able to come to a place where I can recognize
and learn from my husband’s honesty. I have to be able to trust he is led by
the Lord and knows what is best for me. Criticism is rough for a person like me
however if I can swallow my pride and value my husband's input then I can learn to step
in his shoes and see life through my husband’s eyes. Besides there must be a reason
he is responding to me negatively. The Lord gave me my husband and it was with
purpose. He is my opposite for a reason. I MUST trust the Lord and HIS plans
for my marriage.
Marriage can be full of joy and it can be a thorn in your side and
it truly is how you view the purpose of it. Marriage is a journey of two becoming
one. When I said “I do” that did not instantaneously merge the two of us
together. Know the purpose for my marriage from God’s eyes will help my life with my husband make sense. I cannot wait for my husband to act a certain way
to change. God gave me discernment, I must get started in changing my behavior
and watch God move in my life.
Honor God, trust and honor your husband and
that is where true Joy is. That will be my plan and commitment, will you join
me?
In Christ,
Monique Smith
Prayer Starter:
Father, I confess the spirit of pride. I confess that I have
been making this marriage about me and not anything that resembles you. I am
sorry and I ask for forgiveness for this. I want to honor you and my husband. I
am a sinner and I recognize my part in the chaos in my marriage. Please work
with me to change my emotions, reactions, thoughts and make me a new wife and
woman in this area. You are my God and worthy of all the praise. Thank you for
speaking to me and helping me see the error in my ways. I will walk in
obedience and righteousness for your name sake. You love me and you love my
marriage and I am excited to see where you take us both. In Jesus precious name,
Amen.
