I posted a picture on my Instagram account about blame last week or so and that made me want to further elaborate here on a blog post about some things.
I mentioned in previous posts that I was abused sexually as a child by people I trusted. Many know when someone is abused mentally or physically this creates a hard wall around their heart as they grow up. They grow up with trust issues and try to protect themselves at all costs because they did not get protection as a child. Some cases may vary, but in my opinion, usually individuals with traumatic experience like that have deep pain and need only a love that can come from Jesus to properly heal.
Because of this and much dysfunction in my home as a child I blamed my parents for everything and not really the individuals who hurt me. Furthermore, because I had a child young I especially pointed the finger at my parents because I just knew it was their entire fault that I had sex young. I never addressed my pain from childhood until later in life but by that time I hurt people along with way. Friends, it did not take until I understood the love of Jesus and the salvation he freely gave me to understand that NO one was to blame. It was just the life I had along with decisions I made. I was responsible for my decisions after the abuse and especially when I became of age, I could no longer use the excuse “I was abused” as a reason to act a certain way. Yes, it hurt and yes it was unfortunate but God had a plan even then. My pain was not in vain. Did God just let this happen to me, abused young? No, there are people who make reckless decisions and take others down with them who are innocent, and this is not God’s fault, that is their decision. Hurt people hurt people point blank (fabulous book by the way by Sandra D. Wilson). They are so consumed with pain that they inadvertently hurt others who try and love them because they do not understand love and all it comes with. They become suspicious of the loving and kind people.
All these things did not make any sense to me at all until I found a relationship with Jesus. Many probably judged me and said “oh now she is Christian and religious”. But until I surrendered my way of doing things and fully let Jesus wash me clean with his blood I was in misery. After Jesus, what people thought of me did not matter all that mattered was his will for me and me trying to love others with his love. My life started to make sense and I was growing. Before knowing Christ personally I created just a selfish, very emotional horrible way of coping with life and lived in it like it did not stink.
Today, I want nothing but the best for the people and any others who I felt “hurt” me as a child. I also learned to forgive my parents years ago for not being what I thought they "should" have been for me.
It is my belief that only parents or others can teach or give what they have themselves so why should I expect them to give me what they do not have? I personally do not think that is fair and it creates unnecessary pain. If they do not know love for example how can they give it? Goes the same for any other characteristics like forgiveness or patience etc…….I have learned to lower my expectations tremendously with people especially family. I let go of what I have no control over and work on my “love walk” and the decisions I make. Am I perfect? Heck no!!! I fall short daily, every second. But I have a Savior who loves me and I know will set me back on track every second of the day if I surrender and trust him. I will never stop growing. I will never stop serving my heavenly Father and I will never go back to who I was.
IF today you are struggling with forgiveness or letting go of something I encourage you to pray and give it all to the Lord. Leave it at the cross and do not look back. Let Jesus work to heal your precious heart. Giving God your pain will help you move past all the pain and hurt. You have to decide to do that though. Be blessed friends.
In Christ,
Monique Smith
Prayer Starter:
Christ Jesus, we want to be blameless and holy just like you. But we can’t do it without your help. Please go with us today and show us the way. Help us to forgive and let go. Fill us with your ways and peace. Be with us in every decision we have to make today. Help us, dear Jesus. Amen
