Lately, life has been rough for me. Seems like just when I
get ahead something else rears its ugly head. My husband said something to me
the other day that just resonated with me. He said “don’t let the enemy win”. I
starred at Him and cried because I have been giving the enemy so much to
rejoice about lately and so little to my Father.
Some of you may know that I missed my son’s graduation
because I was stuck at Dallas airport because of the bad weather we had Monday.
My heart broke in two because I was so close to getting there and it just did
not happen. Anger, frustration and so much pain filled my heart and I felt so
sadden and defeated. I started with my questions to the Lord. Why Father? Why did I not get
to be there at his graduation? I am your faithful servant (such arrogance). Then I started to try and list all the ways that I serve Him and mad that he couldn't
just let me be there. HOT MESS!!
Questioning the Lord is saying God “I do not trust you”. So
in all my babble to Him I asked myself Monique have you really been this
faithful servant that you think you are? Devastated over my answer to myself, I
wept and wept and wept some more because I knew that I haven’t. Why did I feel
the need to list all my “acts of service” to God like I have to “prove”
something to Him? I can study the Bible all I want, pray, serve His house, and
do all these acts of what I think is service to Him but I will never be useful
to His kingdom if my heart is not right before Him.
My heart in this entire situation was not pure. I doubted my
Heavenly Father. I doubted that He was not in control. I am His but did I
believe that? I am His daughter just as
much as my son is my child. He cares for me and my development just as much, if
not more than I do for my son. It is not meant for me to understand God’s
plans. If He wants me to know He will tell me. But He does want me to put
EVERYTHING in His hands not just what I choose to. He wants me to let go and let Him be.
I had to step back..waaaaaaaay back ladies and see that life is
life and everything in it will not go how I plan it to be. God will wait for me
to let go of my grasp on things EVEN if it takes a really long time, He wants
me to see that His plans will stand, not mine (Proverbs 19:21). I had to check myself and will need to all the days of my life. God will work everything out for my good and He most definitely will
never leave me nor forsake me so I need to chill. I am not in control.
In the midst of our pain, let’s seek Him and surrender all
our ways and plans to Him so He can fulfill His plans in our lives. Let’s give
the Lord much to rejoice about and not our adversary. After all, do we not want
His plans to prevail more than ours?
In Christ,
Monique Smith
Prayer Starter:
Father God, thank you for your mercy and love. Forgive me
for trying to “play you”. What happens in my life is because you want it to. I
have asked you to teach me your ways and to put in practice what you have
taught me will you please help me with my complaining spirit. My desire is to walk closer
with you so that I may get to know you more. Help me decrease so that you can
increase in my life. I trust you Father and I know you have my best interest at
heart. How can I honor you today? I love
you. Amen
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord is with you wherever
you go”. – Joshua 1:9
